apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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