Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
