i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
