btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
