You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
