I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
