Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
"it" just moved
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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