meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
