I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
