i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize