The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
