"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
