The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
