at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
