Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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