No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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