Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
