omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
