just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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