i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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