I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
