Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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