Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
