I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
