dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
