she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
