It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She told me I should be a condom model.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
