Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I believe in your delicious
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
