Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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