If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
