I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
