A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
