Yo dont text me then not text me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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