she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
