drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
