Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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