1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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