I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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