I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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