Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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