My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
birth control should be required to get into college
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
