so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
