i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
