listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
