no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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