I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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