so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
