your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
