hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
