Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
