Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
