How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
