You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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