With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
