So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
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