you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
