brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize