Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
