I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
