Bisexual people are plain selfish.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
