Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
