I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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