what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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