Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize