i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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