i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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