He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he puts the penis in happiness.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my shit smells like andre
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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