Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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