Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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