Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
