As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
