i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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