so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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