I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Me too!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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