i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
