my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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