I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
