Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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