I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
