on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
